This last week has been a real wake up call to me for many reasons. I just moved into a families home 3 weeks ago hoping ill be able to settle down well and get my life back on track when BANG.......reality check..........it didn't. I slowly came to realize that the way this family goes about dealing with things is just not going to cut it with the way I have lived my life and also intend to live my life in the future. Don't get me wrong, they are a great family, but there were certain things that they expected from me which I just was not willing to change. There intentions were in the right place trying to advice me as to what THEY believed would be good for me, but I suddenly realized that if I was to stay I would be living the way THEY wanted me to live and I wouldn't be doing what I felt comfortable doing. A lot of issues surfaced when this sudden conflict in viewpoints came into the open, some of them were:

1. Humility: Some of those present when this conversation took place were under the impression that I was being proud and was not submitting myself to the guidance of someone older and wiser. Related issues in this was that I undermined the authority of the people whom I was living with. In defense of this issue I must admit yes, I did not wish to adhere to certain rules which were put forth for me and also I was not willing to change my ways just because somebody else tells me certain things which I shouldn't do(for my own good), but as this conversation entwined I realized that EVEN IF I was to go under this persons guidance in my life and ways of trying to direct me in my life, I would be in eternal spite within me for everybody who really cared about me because unlike most other people I tend to think of myself as someone who learns from life as I live through it. It's not really my way of being proud but just being TRUE to myself! I also knew that my ideas on how people develop and grow in life was different to his and where he was coming from. However great he may have been would hinder the way I have come to understand things of the world and deal with it. What really turned me in the other direction was his wanting to press forth his beliefs and the way things should move in his home on me! Especially regarding very personal issues as well. He may have had the very best intentions for me but even if I did agree to his ways and gone on to live a happy life that would be HIS idea of life that I would finally be living and everything that surrounded me would be things that HE would have liked or somebody else, or some other people (who all care about me dearly) but not FREAKIN me!!!. It wouldn't be a life that I made for myself, with the things that I have learnt in my life. So here lied the underlying problem in this whole mess of events.
2. Inability to see myself clearly: Now this was something that came about in our conversation which my sister (God bless her) brought about which I really was so hopelessly unable to grasp in my life. She said there was a part of me that I was unable to see and I was not being true to myself and I tried to put on an exterior which showed everything was fine in my life when there were things in my life which needed serious change. Firstly I must say if she spoke to me about these things a couple of years ago I would hardly even take these things seriously BUT because I realize I'm only human and am far from being perfect I was able to listen intently to what she had to say. For a long time now, I have come to understand that I have somewhat being living in a make believe world where everything seems to be fine to me until something really pressurizing takes place in my life and everything crumbles down to pieces. So now I'm faced with TRULY taking a look at myself in the mirror (it's easier said than done) and trying to see where I'm being true to myself and where I'm constructing a 'picture' in my life.
3. Realization of taking up responsibility: There was a friend of mine from school days who I really admired, he was a person who worked really hard, didn't bother himself too much on things taking place around him and truly pursued his interest in life, and believe me he made it. He's now a truly independent person living his life and being a responsible individual. That's what I want to achieve now. My life is going to be centered upon establishing myself to a place where I can tell myself, 'yeah, I lived life to the fullest and now am taking everything I have gone through as experience in making myself into someone whom I can feel satisfied with!'

So there you have it people, sometimes it takes a lot of wrongs to bring about a lot of rights, but you need to make sure you're taking the footsteps in the right direction and above all, don't fool yourself. Time is just going to pass you by if you don't do something about it! Have a good one brother's and sister's!