JizaDaJuggernaut

The last two weeks have been a time in which I have done a lot of thinking into what this whole deal about living really is. Under extreme circumstances, I was placed in a situation which made me alone……to myself……trying to figure out what exactly I want to do in my lifetime. One thing I’ve come to except is that, from the day we are born, we live and keep learning new things and old things all over again and again. The cycle of change and inevitability…..I think that’s what I would call it. I can safely say that within these two weeks I’ve learned much about myself and others as well…..its been a time of facing reality and at the same time confronting various problems which have been haunting me. The end result?.....only time will tell I guess, but, me being me……I’m willing to be positive and think about the future with timorous fear and awesome excitement at the same time!!!.

I’ve come to realize that each and every individual on the face of this planet lives their lives being fixed on to one thing and then on to the next. It’s like this deep craving inside of us to be really appreciated and needed and at the same time expecting things to work out the way we think it should work out…..when it rarely does. I’ve come to except this fact now…..it’s taking sometime to materialize fully, but I’m getting there.

Then there’s the other side of the coin, which leads us to believe that there really is no hope for true happiness out there. We witness so much hurt and pain in our lives, we shut ourselves out from anything good that’s happening to us even, being afraid that getting too close would only lead to utter disaster in the end……there really is no hope!   ( personally I beg to defer…..but that’s just me)

Summing things up, this is what I know about myself from now on…..I’m born to be a passionate person at whatever I do and the times that I do really put some real constructiveness in my life is few and far in between, but then again…..who’s freakin perfect eh?. All in all, life’s a journey and hurt, pain, suffering, unhappiness and all other negative emotions are part of the cycle of life……..true…….but let me tell u this people…….I’m not a quitter…..and I also believe there’s a lot of happiness, joy, contentment, glee and pure soul uplifting also to experience along with all the negative aspects. I only wish, my mistakes will not haunt me for the rest of my life and ruin whatever I’ve tried to make right in my life! –BUT, I will survive…..and will not lose FAITH even if the skies were to fall on my head right now……as good ol Vitalstatistix used to say!!

 

Take care readers……and have FAITH…..never lose hope!!!!....it might be knocking down your door right now!!!.....you just need to open your eyes!

What is it that makes it quite impossible for one generation of people to understand another generation?, need further clarification?.....well, I’m sure you all would have at some point in your life had many arguments with your parents on various topics like how they find the way you go about living your life not very, lets say……appropriate or even very basic fundamental differences like the music you listen to, the way you go about spending your leisure time or even the way you talk with your friends?!!. I mean, these are things that actually don’t really concern parental wisdom let’s say. I know it’s one thing for a parent to guide a child when he or she is going a path which they KNOW will lead to the kids destruction, but somewhere along the line it gets kind of twisted and next thing you know, everything you possibly do can never be something agreeable with your parents and anything you say has no significance in the matter at all?. Does this happen due to the inbred nature of man to impose himself or herself on another human being? , or has it something to do with the way we have been created?.....no one really knows, but it is something that causes a lot of friction between one generation of people to another generation.

From my childhood, my parents have been immensely loving and caring to both my sister and me and they have our undying love for being their for us in every possible way, but after one starts to grow up and starts learning about the world around them in their own way, their comes a conflict of interests which causes many parents to become very strict with their kids and thereby not actually helping matters, but making things blow out of proportion even more!.

My mother for instance, (she is in every sense of the word, what a mother should be to her child) but after my sister and me grew up, it has increasingly become apparent that basic communication with her leads to many arguments and unnecessary tension on both sides concerned. I’m sure a lot of what has happened in the past has a lot to do with it just as every family would but I sure wish there was a way that we could both be able to understand each others point of view and try to come to some kind of real understanding. But when someone, especially my mother, tries to enforce her beliefs or ways of living on me, it really gets annoying and I find myself stuck unable to have a decent conversation with her!

All my life I’ve had a special antipathy to anybody who has tried to somehow force other people to adhere to their ways of living and not respect the individual person’s point of view. Well, coming to a conclusion, I don’t really have the answer to this very troublesome problem which we can all relate to in some way or the other, but I do ask one thing of all you readers. Knowing that there is a problem is half the problem solved!......so let’s hope for the best in future endeavors with people from one generation to the next!.....adios fellow bloggers!

Death

Dedicated to Mrs. George (My Grandmother)

 

            I just found out that my Grandmother had passed away, I PRAY THAT SHE IS IN GOOD HANDS. I guess the concept of death has been something that has intrigued all of us at some point in time in our lives. It’s a feeling which I must say is very hard to put into words or express in other means for that matter. We see when a person losing a loved one in the movies weep and moan over the death, or in some instances just stay frozen, as if not able to deal with the idea at that particular point in time. These are all various aspects to which we react on when it comes to this complex situation. Basically though it’s a let out of emotional frustration and grief and well……it’s something that we all struggle in some way or the other to come to terms to.

            When I found out that my grandmother had passed away at first, I couldn’t believe what my mother was telling me at that moment. Then all of a sudden it struck me, MY GRANDMOTHER HAD DIED!!!......I acknowledged my mother and kept the phone. For a few moments I stood there just thinking about what it really meant to me…..and in truth, it felt as if I just lost something from inside of me for a moment or too. The only thing I could think of was to get down on my knees and pray…..I wept ever so slightly, and then made a small personal prayer of respect and love to my grandmother who just passed this realm. And now I sit in front of my computer writing about it. It’s the only thing I could think of doing at this point in time. Lets just say its my way of paying my respects and keeping her memory alive in my thoughts for infinity. I LOVE YOU GRANDMA, AND I PRAY YOU ARE AT PEACE AND MOST OF ALL WITHOUT PAIN, AND FINALLY…….I PRAY YOU ARE HAPPY!.

 

 

            Today I took part in my first ever pool tournament and there were a lot of things I learned from the experience. You see…..I don’t want to sound all egotistical, but, I am a pretty damn good pool player and well….I ended up loosing my first round match to this guy who I’d say, is a descent pool player himself (not in the same league as me of course!!) the best part about the whole thing was that I actually lost on a technical detail which temporarily evaded my thinking and I ended up loosing a best of 3 game – 2 to nothing!. For all you pool freaks out there, I had finished sinking all my balls and I went on to pot the black ball without calling which pocket I was actually netting it in!......just in case you’re wondering……yes, that was the pocket I intended to put it in, but I forgot to tell my opponent which pocket I was putting it in!. I know…..it seems like a stupid freakin rule, but then, life can be hard on you at times!. Anywayz getting back to my story, at first, I felt quite disappointed because I had the game in my hands but let it slip away, but later on I thought “Ok, I lost, what’s the big deal” I might as well support my friends and girl friend too who was taking part in the tournament as well. Turned out she did a lot better than me and went on to beat this professional snooker player too! I was very happy for her, but the crucial game was in the semi final where my good friend had advanced and was facing a chance of earning himself 5 grand if he got to the final. His opponent was another guy who was a regular player in the pool parlor where we used to go and play and at first, my friend was doing quite well and looked well on track to win the game, but then I found out that the opponent he was playing with was a boy of the age of 18 who was having a serious heart problem and had a lot of breathing difficulties as well. Suddenly something inside of me ticked……I observed the guy playing and he was actually so tensed up that he could hardly breath!, but he kept playing and tried his level best to win……and win he did!, in 3 games he came up on the winning side with 2 out of 3 games!. All our friends who were cheering for my friend were quite disappointed after the result but for some reason or the other, I actually felt good that my friend lost! I kept watching the guy who beat my friend play and he had determination written all over his face, it was as if he was pushing his body to the extreme just so that he could bring a smile to all his friend’s faces after winning. After the game finished, I went over to him and congratulated him on his win, and he gave one of the most honest humane smiles I’ve seen in my life, and it opened up a part of me I’d never known existed. You see……I’m actually a very hard fighter when it comes to these kind of sports activities and I hate to be on the loosing side and I have the tendency to always view my opponent as the enemy!.....and that I should destroy him at all costs!, but then, for that fleeting second or two when I shook his hand and saw his joy and happiness, it made me really think a lot about how I view a game from now on. Now please don’t get mistaken that by saying this I’m getting all softy, I’m a fighter, and in a game, I always play to win…..but does it really matter who’s the winner and looser…..I say……NO!. For just like me, there are others who are also trying to win, and most of them who took part in this tournament were people who were from poor families and this was an opportunity for them to make their friends and families proud by winning some money!, so what even if I lost!, it’s not like it’s the end of the world!.....I still know I’m an awesome player (here we go again!....hehehe) but I just didn’t have the luck to win this time round!. Anywayz, to finish things off, today was a day I learned to be a true Sportman…..and you can only become one when you come to realize that you’re actually just playing a game, and the person who is able to always keep that in mind and not let his ego get the better of him is the person who has gained the most in the end!. Take care fellow bloggers!. Gnight!.

Well first of all let me say im quite excited in starting up this blog. Eventhough it maybe eons after the whole blog fad rose and to an extent fallen.....but nonetheless, this is a joyous occasion, and I hope I am able to make some interesting entries for all you people out there to read and ofcourse.....add your comments!....hehe.

Cutting to the chase, lets see, today was highlighted by a very strange occurence while i was online!. You see, I had this dude I had on my messenger contacts and until recently I never actually talked much with him but we got chattin. About two days ago i spoke to the guy and he said that he was 16 yrs old and he wanted to be my younger brother!. At first I thought thats kinda cute!, this little kid wanting to make friends from a totally different part of the globe (by the way the guy is from turkey) Anywayz I gladly accepted to be his 'elder brother'. Yesterday we got chattin online again and he told me he was a hacker!, I was pretty impressed I must say, but then today came the final punch!.......turns out he's a freakin.....I dont know what to call him!!!.....getting back to my story, he asked me if I was gay?.......ofcourse I said I wasn't!.....actually, just to spark my curiousity I told him I was and then he wanted to fuck me!. Later I went on to tell him that I really wasn't gay and he was barking up the wrong tree, but then he started denying his first stance on the whole gay issue and said he actually was not gay!.......I know......I was confused as hell!. Anywayz one thing led to another and he starts callin all sorts of explicit shit I'd rather not elaborate on right now. Ofcourse now I had every reason to have some fun and I gave him my own understanding of the metaphorical rhetoric which finally inclined him to go offline!.....hehehe......he also threatened to hack my computer too!!!.....and no, he didnt know shit about hacking either!. Soooooo......the main point which I was trying to get to is that I was actually explaining to this close friend of mine how close a buddy this guy was to me (which actually I wasn't).....and just to add the icing to the cake.....I had to eat my own words cause the guy turned out to be a real wierdo!. So people.......next time you start making judgments about people you dont know, or even people you do know......think twice....cause really speaking, its very little we do know in general.....so lets try to be more analytical and careful before drawing to conclusions.....if not arriving to a conclusion at all!!!.

 

Jiza OUT!